party last night. show up as a darling dontcha wanna? am late, impossibly so. beer’s gone, bong already passed hand to mouth & hand to mouth. am forced to sip coke, listen to english majors wax brian wilson or the beatles? you must choose. ive got terrible posture, slump against any/all flat surfaces. stare out the open window, a string of steetlamps stretches, & i spend the remainder of the night trying to talk color back into the light.

breathless in a bar with my sister & her ex. light the wrong end of a cigarette. lonely like a hole is invariably a hole in something & something went missing. look for it. sniff corners, ask strangers. their voices peel at the edges.

new apartment. stretches of white interrupted only by bare windows, my sister’s polaroids of people i don’t know. the neighborhood’s full of silence, the sort where every sound’s heard separately. i spend nights shelving & reshelving my books, gathering scraps of paper, stacking them into tiny piles around my bed.

summer school started last week. full swing. teachers who run marathons, have cats, gulp tap water from blue or green nalgene bottles. assignments like read chapter three, then write a paper, etc. my skull fills with facts. body reeks of rush, & god, just let me romp in the sun! my concentration’s never been so shot. i skip class to take a nap in the yard, top off.

s: when i get a boyfriend im going to call him pussita
e: im calling mine the wild impossibility