we climb to the top of the parking deck. seven flights, an intense wind. when an emergency helicopter lands at the hospital across the street, someone says i wish i were in an accident. something, anything.

later i can’t feel my teeth or feet & get confused as to whether im moving or standing still. i forget to care, think of my phone bill instead. five hundred dollars worth of calls to alaska. a mistake in the billing system where i have to spend three hours explaining to verizon that ive never used 786 minutes talking to anyone, though, alaska would be nice. voice like closed eyelids. but then again, i realize, its like movement—how there’s no difference between phoning alaska or the person sitting next to you on the couch, saying i miss you but.

the difference between light & dark becomes indistinguishable in a house where drinks pass hand to mouth. faces shaded, voice like bees wearing coats. a girl wants to know you read emma goldman? say i don’t read. was born blind & only gradually gained sight.

dear friends, sorry i left. took a walk, the moon dim. sorry i sat on a strangers stoop, 2 hrs thinking the leaves are sweating! its spring almost, but trees don’t sweat; i can’t wish them into being.

when i return, someone asks what was it like being blind? having already forgotten my lie, i think they’re referring to tonight.

the state confirms, patterns. to avoid as much as possible: deviants prey on routine. how the body doesn’t notice the unknown’s manic breathing inside their apartment due to the anticipated clink of keys against a tabletop. i figure i can walk alone at night so long as i vary the times. ten to midnight to four am.

lately i ride the school elevator. ride no matter the class' location. its the isolated occasion where people allow themselves to be touched, all at once, by four or five complete strangers.

Fucking Right
A.R. Ammons

Nobody fucks anybody
who fucks anybody,
and anybody's a

nobody who fucks
anybody, still anybody
who fucks nobody's

a nobody, worse
than a nobody
who'd just as

soon fuck a
nobody as anybody:
on occasion, somebody

will fuck anybody,
nobody or not,
because when you

fuck anybody you
could be fucking
somebody as well

as nobody, though
there are fewer
somebodies out there,

I guess, than
nobodies: to be
somebody, you have

to be a
nobody and fuck
anybody till you

find a somebody:
when somebody fucks
somebody, it's right,

but if, having
tried hard, you
find neither nobody

nor somebody, fuck
off, you may
be bothering people